If you are reading this....why are you reading this?

I love

..the fact that im slowly growing bitter and spiteful toward everyone i care about. I love how Im getting about as depressed as I was in highschool and wished I wouldnt wake up when I went to sleep. 

I dont have any real friends. Im starting to realize this. And its making me question why I bother getting up in the morning. Im epileptic and poor and only getting poorer. My dad lost his job, my mom and aunt are both idiots who spend money and cause stress. I just dont know what to do with myself anymore I was going to join the fucking gym yesterday. I didnt. I was going to go to sports authority today and get some clothes for working out and then pop over and get my gym membership….I havent yet and probably wont. 

When did it become a bad thing to tell someone how you feel. I fucking must have missed that memo. And how exactly do you get to know a girl you care for without then becoming her friend and then getting god damn friend zoned. Where is the mother fucking common sense in that. Im so tired of being told that “i dont see you that way” “you’re just a good friend” “i dont want to lose your friendship”. Im sorry that im the only person in the fucking world that seems to think love is worth taking chances for. 

I dont even know how to feel about anything anymore. I feel so numb. Like nothings important and yet it seems like lately everything is super important and urgent. I dont want to have to do this anymore. I just want things to go smoothly….just for like a week. Why cant I be happy for at least a single fucking week. I havent had a steady girlfriend in almost 3 years. I have no support system, my “friends” wouldnt know what the fuck was happening with me if I didnt say something on god damn facebook. So just whats the fucking point. I keep jumping from one issue to another I cant even stay on a single topic more than a few sentences. Im done. Fuck life.

~your friend Mike