Sometimes
Sometimes I feel like without a select few people in my life that I could crumble to pieces. I will be 100% honest and say this now, im a complete hypocrite. I will use all my knowledge and experience in life and give advice to people I care for in their struggles and times of need but when it comes to my own pain and suffering, lets just say dark thoughts tend to stick around. Even though I know only one person will read this(if that) I still find it theraputic to release all these feelings and thoughts. I’ve always considered myself a writer at heart. So this comes naturally and adds to the sense of release.
I often think selfish thoughts that make my life out to be worse than everyone elses. I believe most people who have gone through painful lives do this to make themselves feel important in some sick way. I know people have worse lives, but that doesnt make my life any better either. If only I could lose this weight and get at least my physical esteem back then perhaps things wouldnt seem so hopeless. Knowing that a girl hasnt found me attractive in years absolutely mortifies me and breaks my heart. What happened to the days of “looks are secondary to personality/being a good person”. Shit went out the window when girls all went dick crazy apparently.
I guess for now i will just put my fake smile on and listen to depressing songs on my ipod while pretending everything is great in life. After all, I wouldnt want to bring anyone down.
